Character Lesson

I have put off doing this Charlotte Mason suggested lesson in the past because I just could not figure out a way to teach it in a way that agrees with me. Character studies can become tools with which to regularly be pointing out where we go wrong, it can be discouraging and self focusing. It is often a place where we look at the glass half empty and forget all that has been given to us. However, on the flip side I have always felt that this particular lesson "could be" a wonderful way to inspire my children to nobler and better deeds. Until now I have not discovered just how to teach it so it brings hope and freedom and not condemnation.

Let me explain my approach first with an example. Years ago I ran into an old friend and she and I were discussing a new diet method we had heard had helped many to lose the unwanted weight, fat. The diet begins with eating a specially designed nugget at different times a day. This nugget seemed to trigger the body to lose weight effortlessly and when you get to your ideal weight you stop eating this nugget and begin to eat real food and in moderation. You see you are set free from your weight, then you are encouraged to begin a healthy approach to eating diet.

Character study can be like most diets to lose weight, you first work to get rid of the weight then you rest, while the diet my friend and I were discussing sought to rid you of the weight then you work to keep it off. See the difference. In one approach you have the thin body you want so you appreciate the freedom from your excess weight and in turn this gratitude can lead to a willingness to do some work to keep it that way. In the other approach you are still burdened by more weight than you want or need hoping your hard work will make you thin.

When I was listening to my friend describe this new diet it reminded me of the freedom and hope I have as a Christian. You see I have been freed from the power of sin much the same way the diet freed those who tired it of the burden of weight. Because Jesus died 2,000 years ago and paid for all our sins it has nothing to do with my own efforts aside from the fact it will not be manifested in my life unless I believe it and try it out and see that it is so.  Jesus's death set me free from God's wrath and the need to be righteous on my own, much the same ay that the diet nugget sent messages to my body to drop the weight, it was effortless. In short, I am already clean and made new, I have dropped the extra weight. Because Jesus not only died but rose again, I have a new life, a life free of the extra weight of sin. So I can begin my day free and with ample power to do what is right. This is what I want my kids to know. I want them to realize what a trust in Jesus can do for them and how this trust can build in them character that is worth having.

So when we read the morally sound stories that inspire in us to nobel deeds and to honor and we talk about what good character qualities the characters possesses we remind ourselves that we have a way to obtain those traits too because of Jesus's victory for us on the cross. We also discuss how we could fail like many of the characters in our stories if we fail to believe we are free and have the power to resist or overcome the temptations in the world around us to be lazy or greedy etc. We remind ourselves also that Jesus's gift of salvation we have received is also a gift to have the power to please God and live right here on earth.  Somehow it is easier to remain free than to try to get free. If we are already free what could make us more free? Somehow the appreciation of knowing our burden has been taken from us makes us feel we never want to go back.

There is no absolute proof that Jesus's death 2,000 years ago has set us free from sin but when we face the decision daily to chose to believe it we are learning to receive by faith what is right, noble and true as our own. We find it is possible to be noble and honorable. In so doing our faith in this truth is proved  true time and again. The things we once believed had us bound to bad habits of wrong doing we are seeing are simply not that powerful and in truth they are really just lies we are learning not to believe.

We have two books we are reading through twice week; Created for work by Bob Shultz and The Book of Virtues by William J. Bennett. I read from each of these books once a week then we narrate the chapter or stories and have the grand discussion about the ideas we found in them. In this discussion we talk about the truths I wrote about above. It is where we talk about our own lives and how we can apply the truth that we are free to do good, and that we have the power to do good. It is where we do not rely upon our own efforts to be good but remember Jesus's promise to be with us always. We discuss how we can include him more in our daily lives. We lean upon HIM for our goodness and worthy and virtuous traits. This lesson is simple but the discussions will last for a long time in our hearts. There are no lists, or reminders to be posted on the bathroom mirrors we simply invite Jesus to live with us in every moment and we drink in the ideas strewn about in the atmosphere of learning that has been carefully cultivated.

For further discussion on this topic I found Nancy Kelly's article entitled The Habits Pendulum inspiring and enlightening.

Discipline and the Two R's

A while back my dh was out with two of our boys in town. A young man who was also a young father observed them as they shopped. Intrigued by the relationship and the obedience he saw, he approached my dh and asked, “Excuse me, but I am impressed by your children. How do you get them to do what you ask like that?” My dh was ready with a reply, “It is simple, rules and relationship. They are like two arms holding up my child. Without one or the other the child will fall.”

In our home we have what some may consider narrow limits on what we would consider acceptable behavior, but we expect a lot because on the flip side of our high expectations we are pouring in huge amounts of intentional tying of strings towards a solid relationship. With the two things in place it works like a charm towards developing discipline and godly behavior. Let me give you an example from our everyday life to illustrate this:

Every morning the boys have a list of chores they MUST complete before breakfast. It is written on a chart and posted at their eye level just outside the kitchen.

With the chores we are aiming at developing a good work habit. The habit is this:

• Do your work before you sit down to play or enjoy yourself.

• Do your work first thing in the day.

• Do your work without being asked or nagged.

• Do your work cheerfully.

• Do your work thoroughly and the how you were asked to do it.

• Do a little more than what was asked. (look for ways to bless others in your work)

"There are few parents who would not labour diligently if for every month's labour they were able to endow one of their children with a large sum of money. But, in a month, a parent may begin to form a habit in his child of such value that money is a bagatelle by comparison." Charlotte Mason Vol. 2 Pg 73

So, breakfast is set to be served at 8:00 o’clock. They are well aware of this. I wake them up with music at 7:00 o’clock if they are not already up. That allows them plenty of time to get their work done with play time if they finish early. (The natural reward of work well done is free time.) My job is not to remind them of the chore chart, not to be glaring at them during that hour but to be cheerful, greeting them with hugs and appreciation at having them in my day. In this I am welcoming them into a relationship of joy and a positive atmosphere however they may have woken up, it sets the tone and draws them into it. I also look for ways to help in their work not by doing it for them but by showing appreciation for their efforts. I am also working along side them getting breakfast cooked and ready. We are than all practicing a good work habit. We all are under the same rules, and as I am doing this, I am tying strings towards a relationship.

Once they have completed the chore they ask to be inspected. We spent a good month or so when we began this chore chart to explain each chore, walk through it with them and show them what is expected. We did this until we were sure they understood. Then when they ask to be inspected we can really inspect, and they have been learning to check themselves because if it is not in order then… the consequence.

If they did not do the chore (usually because they got to playing before it was done), or did not do it thoroughly, or it was done with a whine or worse and rebellious tone in their attitude then they are given only a healthy piece of bread for breakfast and a glass of water. This will remind them that their work was not done up to standard, and it will give them enough sustenance that they can get through school without being under nourished. We give them the consequence without pitiful looks or any commentary on their response. It is a dry, judicial moment when we keep our smiles and encourage then back into the regular banter around the table.

It takes a few mishaps and a few cries before they really get it if I am consistent, but soon their tears dry up and they are more motivated the next day to place upon themselves the responsibility to get the work done. It goes up and down because habits are sometimes long in coming. We aim for 100% knowing Christ in us gives us the way to get there and expect Him to come through on our down days.

At this point in the discipline process it is important to remain steady and cheerful expecting the best. Giving in to the tears and whines only prolongs the habit building and the habit you were aiming at takes longer to develop. The tender hearted or inconsistent parent causes more pain in the long run if she does not stick to the plan and allow the child to learn the habit. I am by nature tender hearted and inconsistent so I am fully aware of need to call on Jesus for help, so I am learning along with them a different discipline. My consequence would be that the work of discipline goes on longer each time I give in.

The habit is our focus, the discipline the way we get there and if perchance they rebel at the discipline or training, there is punishment. Along the way at every opportunity we look for ways to delight our child, know our child and seek ways to tie strings of relationship. Having the rule and the relationship upholds them and puts them on rails towards success in life.

Lessons from Rollo

Rollo is a six year old boy whom Jacob Abbott wrote about in the 19th century. We have been reading one of the stories about him, Rollo at Work. I purchased it from Yesterday’s classics but it can be found at Project Gutenberg for free.

Rollo through various episodes in his everyday life is learning the great difference between ‘work’ and ‘play.’ It is just the right book for my oldest son who is 7 years old to hear. Rollo and Max are typical boys, loving life, loving amusement, and loving play. They desire to do work, but have not yet been trained to know how to go about it so as to succeed. Some ideas they have make work harder, some ideas lead them away from work and back to play. In this little set of stories Max is learning some very valuable things. Max is learning to distinguish between work and play. What is work, and when is it time to work. What is play and when is it time to play.

In the first chapter, ‘Labor Lost’ Rollo is excited to tell his father that he wants to work and is a good worker. So His father gives him a job to pick up wood chips behind the house and put them into a bin or to stack some wood in the barn. Here is how Rollo went about it.

“Rollo sat down on the chips, and began picking them up, all around him, and throwing them into his basket. He soon filled it up, and then lugged it in, emptied it into the chip-bin, and then returned, and began to fill it again.
He had not got his basket more than half full the second time, before he came upon some very large chips, which were so square and flat, that he thought they would be good to build houses with. He thought he would just try them a little, and began to stand them up in such a manner as to make the four walls of a house. He found, however, an unexpected difficulty; for although the chips were large and square, yet the edges were so sharp that they would not stand up very well.
Some time was spent in trying experiments with them in various ways; but he could not succeed very well; so he began again industriously to put them into his basket.
When he got the basket nearly full, the second time, he thought he was tired and that it would be a good plan to take a little time for rest; and he would go and see Jonas a little while.
Now his various interruptions and delays, his conversation with his mother, the delay in getting the basket, and his house-building, had occupied considerable time; so that, when he went back to Jonas, it was full half an hour from the time when he left him; and he found that Jonas had finished mending the wheelbarrow, and had put it in its place, and was just going away himself into the field.
“Well, Rollo,” said he, “How do you get along with your work?”
“O, very well,” said Rollo; “I have been picking up chips all the time since I went away from you.”
Rollo did not mean to tell a falsehood. But he was not aware how much of his time he had idled away.
“And how many have you got in?” said Jonas.
“Guess,” said Rollo.
“Six baskets full,” said Jonas.
“No,” said Rollo.
“Eight.”
“No; not so many.”
“How many, then?” said Jonas, who began to be tired of guessing.
“Two; that is, I have got one in, and the other is almost full.”
“Only two?” said Jonas. “Then you cannot have worked very steadily. Come here and I will show you how to work.” pg 9-10

Sound familiar? I think all of us at one time in our life were much like Rollo. It is often hard for all of us to learn how to work, what attitudes to have towards it, and in what way to go about it so that we are productive and can have the satisfaction of a job well done. By the way Max is really enjoying this book. He likes to hear of other little boys doing the same things he does. He likes to see Rollo suceed. Along the way the characters in the story are giving Max alot of good advice. Max isn't resenting this but is happy to know better just what is the right way to do things. The story is drawing him in and educationg him.

Rollo goes on to ditch the basket altogether and try the wheelbarrow. After all, that would haul much more at a time and be faster. He spends a lot of time filling the wheelbarrow up with his basket and then begins to wheel it towards to the bin. Along the way the wheel gets stuck in a hole. It tips and half the wood chips fall to the ground. Instead of using his basket to do what he could to solve the problem, he goes and looks for help. He asks Jonas, but Jonas is busy and can not help. He asks his mother, and eventually she gives in to help but he then reaches the step into the barn where the bin is and the wheel barrow will not go up over it. In dismay he abandons the wheelbarrow and starts to stack the wood.

“Rollo stood looking at him for some time, wishing that he was going too. But he knew that he must not go without his mother's leave, and that, if he should go in to ask her, Jonas would have gone so far that he should not be able to overtake him. So he went back to his wood-pile.
He piled a little more, and as he piled he wondered what Jonas meant by telling him to put the largest ends outwards. He took up a stick which had a knot on one end, which made that end much the largest, and laid it on both ways, first with the knot back against the side of the shed, and then with the knot in front, towards himself. He did not see but that the stick lay as steadily in one position as in the other.
“Jonas was mistaken,” said he. “It is a great deal better to put the big ends back. Then they are out of sight; all the old knots are hid, and the pile looks handsomer in front.”
So he went on, putting the sticks upon the pile with the biggest ends back against the shed. By this means the back side of the pile began soon to be the highest, and the wood slanted forward, so that, when it was up nearly as high as his head, it leaned forward so as to be quite unsteady. Rollo could not imagine what made his pile act so. He thought he would put on one stick more, and then leave it. But, as he was putting on this stick, he found that the whole pile was very unsteady. He put his hand upon it, and shook it a little, to see if it was going to fall, when he found it was coming down right upon him, and had just time to spring back before it fell.
He did not get clear, however; for, as he stepped suddenly back, he tumbled over the wood which was lying on the ground, and fell over backwards; and a large part of the pile came down upon him.
He screamed out with fright and pain, for he bruised himself a little in falling; though the wood which fell upon him was so small and light that it did not do much serious injury.
Rollo stopped crying pretty soon, and went into the house; and that evening, when his father came home, he went to him, and said,
“Father, you were right, after all; I don't know how to work any better than Elky.” (Elky is a young colt that his father is breaking)pg 20-21

Throughout this book Max is learning some good lessons about working from Rollo:

1. Work is something we do for a useful end. Play is for our amusement. You should not get them confused and try to find amusement in work.

2. It is dangerous to neglect or postpone doing one’s duty. We cannot always depend on repairing the mischief.

3. There is great pleasure in doing work when it is properly done. The pleasure comes later when the work is done.

4. While you are doing your work, it requires exertion and self-denial, and some times the sameness of work is tiresome, but the wise worker perseveres through it.

5. Do not change from one thing to another looking for amusement. Work steadily forward, and do not rush or you will tire before the work is done.

We liked this book so much I have begun to Read Rollo at Play. Beyond that there are more, Rollo Learning to Read, Rollo at school. Rollo's experiements, Rollo's Philosophy, Rollo Travels Eurpoe and more.

"Now, my little son," said his father, putting him down and patting his head, "you have got a great deal to learn before you become a man; but then you have got some years to learn it in; that is a comfort. But now it is time for you to go to bed; so good night." pg 91